Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
