1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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