WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
