she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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