I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
