She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
