Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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