First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just tell him i said nine months
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
