ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
