your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
