Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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