i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
