we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
