cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
