If i come over, it means nothing
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
