I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
