i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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