Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
