He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
