i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
