i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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