Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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