Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
