Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
