saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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