i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
