New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
