Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
