My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My vagina just recognized that song.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
