The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
