I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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