I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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