Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
