yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
