i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
