I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
