he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
