so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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