That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
