Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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