is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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