Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
