Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
