We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
