So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
