I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
