epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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