I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
