Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
