I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
