Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
