i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
